Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Isn't it time we re-issued 'Protect and Survive'?

There will be many homes in Britain that still have the last edition of the Home Guide to Nuclear War, issued by the government as Protect and Survive. Maybe in a telephone drawer somewhere, along with the radiator bleed key and a 1976 warranty card for the doorbell. However, whole new generations will be unaware of the simple preparations they must make if we are faced with nuclear Armageddon. Technology has also moved on, so an updated edition of this friendly guide to mass extinction may be worthwhile. 

It may be useful to remind the younger ones that iPhones are unlikely to work after an intense EM pulse, that a couple of tins of energy drink won't last long and that Facebook is unlikely to be widely available with which to share nuclear experiences. Ditto Instagram. It's also unwise to rely on take-away delivery services for food after the bomb falls, however impervious Mr Wu seems to Alpha particles. And as members of the family die and the bodies must be dealt with, Yell will not be the best source of home service providers. 

It's about time we scared the youngsters. 



20 comments:

Anonymous said...

And just how many of us have a good solid dining table these days?

Better encourage Ikea to stock up....

right-writes

Anonymous said...

Looking at the devastation in Syria after a protracted conventional civil war, I don't think anything built since about 1950 would stand up to a nuclear strike.

Any structure before that has been so undermined by 'home improvements' it'd topple on those unfortunates hiding under their IKEA prefabricated dining table.

Anoneumouse said...

Duck and Cover

Sackerson said...

http://www.disclose.tv/action/viewvideo/167578/The_War_Game_1965/

Domo said...

"Youre all dead"

No potable water storage
No secondary heat source for water, food, or space.
No storage space for more than a weeks food

The only pro I can come up with is they are significantly more air tight.

Sackerson said...

We showed this film to secondary kids once, in the 80s. Horrible. What would you do to prevent it?

https://archive.org/details/TheWarGame_201405

Dadad said...

Perhaps I should try and find that old Morrison table ?

joe winner said...

Funny piece and funny comments. Nice to have a laugh first thing

meltemian said...

I live in hope, my Greek builder seems to have cornered the market in re-enforced concrete. They build them strong here. If all else fails I need to empty the pool and build a bomb shelter!

Dave_G said...


The only way to survive is to not be around when the bomb lands.

But a vigorous fly-swatting campaign in the aftermath (I believe such a task was actually suggested) will keep your mind off injury, food, the future.... you know, those 'distracting' subjects.....

Anonymous said...

I seem to recall that in the event of nuclear war, the advice from 'Beyond the Fringe' was to jump into a large paper bag. That might be just as good as doing anything else!

RAC said...

Unless a person lives out in the back of beyond,hard to find in England, I honestly think any plans to survive would be only prolonging the agony.Being about 20 miles east of a nuclear power station and about 7 miles as the crow flies from another obvious target my survival kit will be 2 bottles rum ditto brandy. Hope anybody still around when the dust settles takes immediate and merciless revenge on the idiots who got us into this mess when they emerge from the shelters our taxes paid for.

Anonymous said...

Showing my age (this is the early 80's) but on the wall of the armoury in Royal Marines Poole were various notices and posters and one was indeed about a nuclear attack. As I went in to pick up my personal weapon one day I noticed a bootneck had added something to the poster with the mushroom cloud:

DO NOT FORGET TO BEND OVER - KISS YOUR ARSE GOODBYE - YOU'VE HAD IT!

Steve

RAC said...

The snowflake students in Amerika will be OK, they have "safe spaces" complete with pets (to eat?) and crayons to while away the time.

Sackerson said...

I recall seeing a quotation from the British Army Journal of 1947: "The best defence against the atom bomb is not to be there when it goes off."

Anonymous said...

'On the Beach' anyone?

Poisonedchalice said...

Now? Or sometime later than now? With nutters like Kim and his bizarre hand-clapping, stupid-hatted generals, there is going to be a stand off at some stage where the crazy fat kid tries to hold some country to ransom.

China has to grow up FFS! They want to play on the world stage, then they have to fecking well take their responsibilities seriously. They reigned in Malaysia and Taiwan, why not NK?? Eh? Why not? It's not acceptable for them to say that they want NK as a buffer zone. China has a hell of a lot to lose. A $384 Bn trade surplus for a start and much, much worse than that, 10 million NKs pouring over the border claiming refugee status if it all kicks off.

Anonymous said...

The BBC ought to remake or re-show Threads, it scared the devil out of me at the time!

Jonty111 said...

Seems like they have forgotten MAD ( mutually assured destruction). Either that or the US believe it doesn't apply any more.The UK government have sold off their nuclear bunkers too, so no one will be saved!

Bill Sticker said...

'Protect and Survive'? That old Chestnut? Government advice universally judged (Then and now) to be about as useful as a chocolate teapot.