Baldist Hate Crime

Standing at a site entrance last night enjoying a ciggie in full PPE I watched the ebb of the rush hour in contemplative mood and when the ancient shout 'Oi Baldy!' sprung from a small boy; not one but three annoyed office workers, all lacking somewhat in flowing locks, turned to the shout. All must have wished then for the justice of Elisha (2 Kings 2:24) but pairs of she-bears are no doubt in short supply in central London. 

This was of course nothing short of Baldist Hate Crime. I'm astonished that the Equalities Commission hasn't picked up on this already. Baldness is of course a disability, and should qualify those sufferers for special treatment in employment and civil status. Not only Blue parking badges for the bald, but changes in building regs to pad all soffits lower than 2400mm, free sunscreen on the NHS, 'bald only' facilities and waiting rooms in public buildings, bald swimming days at the leisure centre and of course compulsory bald-awareness training for each of the Met's 33,000 officers. London councils should conclude their job ads with 'Bald men are under-represented in our workforce and will be given preference for interview'.  

And of course, though children have been shouting the equivalent of 'go-up, thou bald-head!' in the street for three thousand years or so, they must immediately be removed into special care as 'Baldist' by the State. I now fully expect Harriet Harman to take up the cudgel on behalf of this disadvantaged group, and bald equality to find its place in the Labour manifesto. You know it makes sense.